Four things you don’t owe anybody

Life gets better once you learn to give these four things wisely.

You do not owe anybody your…

 

Affection

Word cannot describe how much I hate the concept of friendzone. Sometimes, friendships develop into relationships. Whether or not two people are compatible in that way takes time to see. More importantly, just because somebody has done kind gestures for you doesn’t mean they’re entitled to a relationship. It’s not like there’s a “niceness quota” and once it’s been fulfilled, you must give that person romantic interest.

If you’re not romantically interested in somebody, you don’t owe it to them to give it a try because they’re interested in you. One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is going out with somebody you’re not entirely sold on.

 

Time

If I told you that you had $80,000 to live on for the rest of your life, would you throw that money around or would budget to the last penny? You should think about time the same way. Time is the most valuable resource we have.

If you don’t want to see somebody or go somewhere, you don’t owe it just because they asked. Maybe your schedule is jam packed. Or stress is piling up and you don’t have the mental energy. Or maybe you have no interest in the said activity or event. Outside of work and responsibilities, we have limited free time. We should use that time to see people we look forward to seeing and do things that we have fun doing.

Even among close friends, it’s important to have me-time. Just because you’re choosing not to give somebody your time right now doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate them.

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Help

Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to support my loves ones when they need it. My loved ones give me so much strength, nothing makes me happier than reciprocating. Howeverrrr, we need to understand that it is not our jobs to save or fix anybody.

You’re not obligated to sacrifice your own mental health to help somebody else, no matter who they are. Professional help does exist for a reason. On the flip side, you can’t rely on anybody to save you. Dangerous levels of dependence is poison in any sort of relationship.

 

Forgiveness

This last one is the hardest for me to write about. If somebody hurt you in a way you just can’t move past, you do not owe them forgiveness. If you cannot forgive, you don’t have to for the sake of maintaining niceties.

Right now, I can list several times when I couldn’t forgive. Things happened that hurt me and broke my trust. Choosing not to forgive didn’t make me bitter or resentful. In fact, I’m much happier because I didn’t let these people back into my life. You have to cut ties that weight you down.

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Over the years, I definitely became more private and selective. Learning to set boundaries was a big part of my growth. I’m definitely happier than I was back then.

 

Hugs and kisses,

~Jin

You can also find me on blog Onah Jung

 

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